BeauNArrow

Happy New Year all!!

I had a greeeat New Years Eve partying with my main group of friends. Couldn't have asked for better people to spend it with! As for my other few best friends, you know who you are , and I love you guys too of course.

As for resolutions, that I will hopefully actually accomplish;

Stay positive
Eat healthy & stay working out all year
Try a bit harder in school (I doubt this will happen, lol)

As for art related,

A legit self portrait
A new multiple me shot, as I haven't done one in a while
Photoshoots with new models
And I always say this one, take more pictures!

That's all I can really think of for now.
Anyway here's to having a great year! 2011 was the hardest year for me, but I'm ready to use everything I learned to make 2012 better.

So, this Christmas my biggest wish is for anyone who feels lost or sad, or lonely.. to find happiness. I genuinely mean this.

Reflecting a bit on the past year, I've learned that EVERYONE has troubles. I've had awful things happen this year and at first I thought it was just me, but I couldn't be more wrong. Life will always have its ups and downs, this is just the way it is. And reflecting on October/November, I had felt the worst and lowest in my entire life. I couldn't see any light at all, wondered about depression, etc. I can't even describe how much feeling like that just hurts.. emotional pain is worse than anything I've ever experienced. I do not wish for ANYONE to experience what I felt.

Since December, I literally decided one day I would stop letting what was bothering me get to me so much, and I completely turned my thoughts around and just started thinking more positively. Knowing that it is possible to turn things around for yourself just makes me want to help those who don't think its possible.. cause trust me, at one point I thought it was impossible. I've been feeling good now lately, and even though some bad things are still happening, I remind myself to try and find the positive, because if I let it get to me like it did before then I'll just head down that downward spiral again..which I NEVER want again.

SO! That being said, to all those who are sad on Christmas, or any day of the year, just remember that somebody loves and cares about you. and never forget to smile, because there are SO many things to smile and be thankful for. MERRY CHRISTMAS

now heres a quote i've been lovin' lately

"In life we do things. some we wish we had never done. some we wish we could replay a million times. but they all make us who we are. and in the end, they shape every detail about us. if we were to reverse any of them we wouldnt be the person we are now. so just live. make mistakes. have wonderful memories. but never second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you're going."

Hey guys..9 months later haha!

I must firstly say, I can feel myself constantly changing as a person over this year. Since January this year, so many things have changed for me I really just find it astonishing. I also feel as if I look at everything at a much deeper level now. I suppose this could be a good thing, but other times I feel as if I interpret everything too deeply. I also think very deeply about things regularly now.. which can get me into quite mood rather quickly.

And I'm not really sure what to say about overall happiness. A year ago I was a different person.. now, it's like, when I'm in a great mood I feel great. But when I'm in a shit mood, I feel horrible. And I go back and forth so often.. I'm just confused about life.

Anyways, onto less serious things.

I am happy to say I have been using my camera pretty often. I devoted a couple hours after work one day just driving around and shooting, which I really enjoyed because I got some great shots of autumn in its prime, and it was really nice to be away from craziness and just relax in nature.

Also, I'm finally in grade 12! Well, not FINALLY, because it certainly came faster than I ever expected. But the time has come for me to decide what to take in University. I've narrowed down what I'm applying for to Engineering, Architecture and Math/Physics Teaching. I'm leaning towards civil engineering for now (buildings, bridges, etc), and I could always pursue architecture after I get my Bachelor of Eng, because I am interested in the artistic aspect of buildings as well as mathematical and physical.

Anyways, I just spammed all your inboxes today! Hope all this shooting continues.

It has been 5 months! I really didn't think it was that long. time seriously flies these days!

Truth is, I've barely been shooting at all lately. My cameras been gathering dust for quite a while now. My life has really been changing since the beginning of this year, my grade 11 school year, and I think, in some good and bad ways, my priorities and life has really changed.

I've met a lot of new people this year, and they've really changed a lot of things for me. Makes me realize some things about myself, about them.. and what to appreciate. I don't really know what to say other than I'm SUCH a different person than I was even just 6 months ago.

Time has also been going by so fast.. it honestly baffles me. And kind of freaks me out, because before I know it I'll be out of high school and trying to find something to do with my life.

On the photography front, I have not seriously picked up my camera since horse shows and a few shoots with my friend in the summer. I think part of me changing as a person and adjusting to new things kept me from keeping my hobby high on my priority list. This does upset me, but I think photography is really coming back now.

I'm currently taking a Film photography course at my school. I've purchased my own SLR film camera and lens, and I've only been in the course for shortly over a week and I already feel inspired, and as if i've learned so much.

Today I really felt inspired, because I was extremely bored when I got home today, and usually I would just sit around or take a nap, but I suddenly felt inspired to shoot a little bit.. now, I only took a few mediocre shots of this rose, but I still feel as if it's a start. I experimented with lighting and backgrounds, exposure settings (which I honestly never knew how to properly use before) and angles! I'm excited already for what's upcoming in the semester and my course, and hopefully what i come up with..

Feels great to touch base guys, and actually have something to say... Hopefully you'll see me around more, guys. Talk to yas lateeer!

Alright, so I was browsing my early journal entries, and I found this old 25 things one that I did almost 2 years ago. I've read it, but a lot of things have changed since then, so I want to do a comparison. Here is the old one from Jan 18, 2009.

Taggy thing I stole off someone.
1. I love to horseback ride - I ride a horse named Beau who I lease, so he's basically mine.
2. I am a huge crybaby. I cry over practically everything, and I always try to hold it in in front of people.
3. I used to draw a lot, but then I seemed to get suckier as time when on. Then I developed a bit of a passion for photography; I got inspired by a friend of mine.
4. I was absolutely obsessed with InuYasha in 5th grade.
5. I absolute hate attention seekers.
6. I LOVE playing video games, but it takes me a long time to really get into RPGs, which are my favourite genre.
7. I love reality TV shows like So You Think You Can Dance, American Idol and The Bachelor. /fail
8. I'm not sure if I believe in Heaven or Nothingness. I don't believe in hell, though.
9. I procrastinate. ALOT. Like, I really should be studying for exams right now.
10. I want to take photos right now, but I don't know of many good locations to shoot - plus it's winter so it's cold and the sky is always blank throughout the day.
11. I have played Harvest Moon games for probably over 300 hours, no joke.
12. I used to play many sports like soccer, basketball, cross country and volleyball, but I have grown extremely lazy, and now I only horseback ride, but I absolutely love it.
13. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life.
14. Sometimes I wish I could do things like play an instrument, dance or sing.
15. I can't stand reading French books.
16. I have only one friend who I can trust everything with.
17. I don't mind being at school, but I absolutely hate doing school work at home.
18. One of the worst feelings to me is when you are boiling, and you are trying to take your shirt off to change into something else, but it's STUCK TO YOU. Yeah, I just said that.
19. I have never consumed alcohol aside from a sip of wine that I almost spat out.
20. I think people who skip class and get drunk for fun are idiots.
21. I have a DSLR camera, but I do not understand over half of the settings on it. I haven't really had time to examine the instruction book.
22. I love shopping, but I am very careful with my money.
23. I hate it when I buy something then regret it later.
24. I am a very negative thinker. I think one of my biggest problems is always thinking on the downside. If I thought "I am learning" rather than "I am doing work" school would probably be less stressful.
25. Sometimes I get very frustrated with life but then I remember times when I was happy and was having fun, and it makes me want to live. Lolthatwasdeep.

Now, here's the new one, and I'm going to be talking about the same things as above, but I may have a different view on them now. here we go.

1. I still love horseback riding, and I ride twice a week, however I find it really hard to get up to the barn sometimes with school and work. I still love the horse named Beau, but I now lease a horse named Maybe. I feel like Beau has been abandoned since he rarely gets ridden, but I just felt like I had graduated from riding him and it is now time to ride a more challenging horse.

2. I still cry over stupid things, but right now I can't think of the last time I cried, so maybe I am happier and therefore crying less often?

3. I still love photography, but I haven't taken many pictures since May. It was only a few days ago when there was an amazing sunset outside my house that got me inspired to pick up my camera again, but I still haven't picked it up yet, but with fall colours everywhere I think I will soon.

4. I was absolutely obsessed with anime until grade 8. Now, I do not watch any regularly, but I have nothing against anime.

5. I don't know how to compare this one, because "attention seekers" never goes through my head anymore. Maybe I've just learned to ignore them.

6. I haven't played a video game since Mario Galaxy 2 in July. There are still many games I want to play, but I have become more social over the summer, so I don't pick up the controller very often anymore.

7. I do not fully watch So You Think You Can Dance or American Idol anymore. I am now bored of them. My favourite shows are now The Vampire Diaries, The Bachelor, and America's Next Top Model.

8. I believe in Heaven. I still don't believe in Hell.

9. I am not as much of a procrastinator as I used to be, but now I just get distracted extremely easily while doing my work, since my computer is also on my desk.

10. I think part of what made me go on photography-hiatus was that I have seen everything around my street. I still want to go somewhere specifically for photography.

11. Yes, I have played Harvest Moon for over 300 hours. Now I can add Rune Factory and Kingdom Hearts 2 to the llist of games I have played over 100 hours in a single file.

12. I still only horseback ride. I miss soccer, but I don't think I will ever play it again in a league.

13. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life.

14. I wish I could dance.

15. French books no longer stress me out at all, but I just think they are a pain in the ass.

16. I have only one friend who I can trust everything with, but I have another friend who is pretty close.

17. I like school, mainly because of social opportunities. I love seeing people and getting to talk to them. I feel like 50% of school is the social aspect, and 50% is work. Remember I am only in grade 11.

18. I am still terrified of getting stuck in a shirt. In fact, it happened to me at the mall recently and my friend had to help me get the shirt off. Lmao.

19. I have drank alcohol.

20. I think people who skip class are idiots. But I like to get drunk for fun, so I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrit now. I don't get drunk every weekend though, I have only been about 5 times over 7 months.

21. I still don't think I full understand my camera.  

22. I LOVE shopping, but now that I have a job I am not as careful with my money. Example, I just spent 220 canadian dollars at the mall.

23. Of course I hate buying something then regretting it. It sucks.

24. I am a very positive thinker. A big change from two years ago. I am a very happy person now in general.

25. I don't get frustrated with life, because there are so many times I remember that were fun and happy, and yeah, it makes me want to live. I really, genuinely, love life.

So I have changed a bit, and I think it was fun to compare, so if you have done this before, try updating it. It's fun to see how you have changed. Later, guys!